


HSS Detective Agency

by pseudomino



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: AU seniors, Comedy, F/M, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mystery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-15 00:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18487945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudomino/pseuds/pseudomino
Summary: To be a serial killer in a ninja village is practically an act of suicide.Apparently someone didn't get the memo.It's up to Konoha's premier private detectives to make sure he does.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this on my phone. As per usual. It was the Plotbunny That Would Not Be Killed. 
> 
> No promises regarding updates. My exams are coming soon and honestly I really should be studying instead. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

The first went unnoticed. 

Old and frail, Kuromichi Tatsuya died alone in his favourite armchair. The contorted expression on his face was attributed to the seizures he suffered from - an old relic of the war. It was quick, over in a moment as head of pathology Akahana Dadai said while consoling the grieving son. 

Suspicions only spiked at about number 10. The Konoha pathology department was by no means understaffed, but the only reason it was noticed at all was because Akahana noticed the similarities. Too many deaths, too many coincidences. Matsushita Toshizou was also old with a history of seizures. He also lived alone. And he also died with that same, haunting grimace on his face. 

Filtering through the recently issued death certificates, Akahana singled out at least fifteen suspicious cases. Further interviews of relevant medical personnel narrowed it down to twelve. 

Twelve suspicious deaths is twelve too many. 

The case was filed with the proper authorities, citing a possible unknown disease as probable cause. Hospital director Uzumaki Himawari recommended a more thorough autopsy, testing for known pathogens and possible malevolent popular jutsu; the fiasco involving the "abs enhancement" scroll some years ago was still fresh in everyone's minds. 

But further tests revealed nothing. This, of course meant the rumour mill was operating at full capacity. It was an unknown virus. It was bioterrorism by the new Akatsuki. It was the chakra-ghost of Uchiha Obito. It was cold blooded murder. 

Dr Uzumaki held a press conference: unequivocally, we absolutely don't know. We will wait and see. We are taking precautions, but most likely this will all blow over. 

And then they got another body.


	2. Shinobi do not die of old age

Time piled upon Konohagakure like a snowdrift that would not melt. It greyed the pristine white of the buildings, weathered down the faces of the hokage adorning the cliff-face, added a bright white stripe to to the Seventh's blond mop, wrote more names upon the memorial stone. 

An aeon ago they were the rookie frontliners leading the charge towards a better future. Now they were what two generations ago would have called a myth: grandparents. 

Shinobi don't grow old, so the saying goes, unless they are exceptionally skilled. 

Or, apparently, living through an unprecedented peacetime, the fruits of alliances forged during the fourth world war.

No one quite knew what to do with the ageing shinobi. 

Rokudaime and widower Hatake Kakashi, to the deep disaproval of his young son Hatake Tagayasu, began a prolific career as an erotic novelist. He took great joy in displaying the most atrocious eccentricities in the name of his 'artistic temperament'. 

Uchiha Sasuke finally settled down - but the once he came home he never quite wanted to leave. Never a fan of Interpersonal relations, he found the internet sufficient for catering to all his needs. He directed his usual intense energy toward taking over the domestic duties in the home, leaving Sakura some much needed rest. 

Uzumaki Naruto had long since handed the hat to Sarutobi Konohamaru in favour of giving his grandchildren all the attention his job had denied his son growing up. When Boruto showed up, back from his travels, Naruto directed to him the full fountain of love. The kyubi was disgusted. 

Shikamaru, who once considered cloudwatching a borderline strenuous activity, who once thought spending five minutes to get up and microwave a burrito was troublesome, that Shikamaru was bored and restless. He irritated Temari, he tended to his family's deer, but his favourite activity was the weekly meeting with his successor at the Hokage's office. 

Sakura, like Lady Tsunade, always had a place at the hospital after chairing it and being its lifeblood for so many years. Having stepped down as chairperson, she oversaw the training of field medics and had already authored several acclaimed books on the topic of antidotes to poison. 

As for Hinata... inspired by the rare mystery novels written by (kakashi's nom-de-plume) Mohejiheno Nohe, she sought out Shikamaru and Sakura, the two best suited for the job, and started a shinobi detective agency.

Which was why she knew, even before the seventh hokage, that a serial killer was on the loose in konoha.


	3. The crime scene cannot lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ANBU and shinobi police force investigate the latest victim

The ANBU records center, located behind eight chakra triggered security gates and myriad obfustication seals under the hokage tower, was quiet as usual. Each masked individual walked around with a purpose, barely stopping to chat. 

In a corner of the data room, the seven foot frame of rookie initiate Koumori curled up into a tiny plastic chair as he laboured over the keyboard. Sensing an ominous presence, he snapped up and turned around to face the expressionless mask of Tora. 

Disgust rolled off the ANBU captain. 

"Can't type without spellcheck, Koumori?"

"I'm just not used to the ergonomic keyboard Sir." 

"Get a grip, rookie. Shinobi need to adapt!" Tora snorted. 

Hit by a sudden suspicion, Koumori turned back to his captain. 

"What type of keyboard do you use, Sir?" 

"You know I haven't got time for that junk!"Tora snorted again before smacking his subordinate on the head with a brown folder. "Read that. It's your assignment" 

Koumori sheepishly took the file and glanced through it as Tora briefed him. Apparently Head Medic Uzumaki was egged on by the gloomy Akahana to enlist ANBU over some dead old man. 

"Seems like clear case of death from old age and medics with overactive imaginations. But take a look, and report just in case."

Koumori saluted, saved his file on the computer, and shunshined away. 

___________

Koumori was greeted at the scene by a stoic looking medic in a biohazard suit, along with an Inuzuka police officer. 

The medic pushed up his glasses and introduced himself to Koumori. 

"I'll be briefing you - I'm Yamanashi, from pathology, and I have studied some of the suspected victims. We've provided the appropriate gear to prevent risk of contamination. I'll brief you as we go"

as Koumori and the inuzuka squeezed themselves into their bright orange suits and and entered the apartment, Yamanashi began a long and highly technical spiel in a professional monotone.

So apparently this guy shared a deathmask with some other dead guys. Big deal, apparently. Koumori entered into his 'memory zone' - a state which enabled all ANBU to carry out their tasks without written instructions. 

Poison suspected - but uncommon since tests turn up negative. No apparent use of kinjutsu. A team of Hyuuga were coming over to check for chakra residue. No apparent link between victims other than said deathmasks, but Akahana had a hunch. And Akahana's hunches were formidable. 

The ANBU scratched his head and tried not to sigh. It was going to be a long couple weeks.


End file.
